Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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