got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
