Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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