ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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