we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
