the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Randomize
