its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
