If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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