Is it normal to miss your booty call?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
