idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i dont even know how to be here
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
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