i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
