i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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