C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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