I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
