I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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