I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just invented taco cereal.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
