anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
