why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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