Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
