Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
