and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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