i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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