I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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