Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
