Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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