at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
