So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
