His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
