The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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