i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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