My liver just broke up with me...
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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