I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
