Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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