saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
