I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
