saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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