It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
