I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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