alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
