Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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