I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
