Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
