i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
