I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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