So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
In America we eat man semen.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
