I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
