Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
