You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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