Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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