I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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