hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
