remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize