Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
