I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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