Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
