Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
