Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
