So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize