i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
