She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
