we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The power of my boobs compel you
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
