made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
