I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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