I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
