i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize