You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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