i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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