that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
